The Great Transfer - The Garden of Eden

So imagine, if you will, that the Bible has their creation story the wrong way round; that the story should have been Eve and Adam. After all, I'm pretty certain that we all start off as women until that little Y chromosome comes along and changes half of us into men.

With this in mind, God would have created Eve first, and not Adam. Eve lived in The Garden of Eden in complete happiness and joy... until she started to become tired of her surroundings and needed something more.

She went to God and said "Can I have someone else to talk to? Someone to share my time with?"

God is still in the midst of her Sunday epoch, relaxing for aeons after having created all things. In her fatigue, she made a small mistake and created another woman for her; Lilith.

Eve and Lilith enjoyed Eden together for a while, until the snake started to tempt them to eat of the forbidden fruit. Eve, having already grown restless with Eden once before, is more tempted than Lilith and Lilith warns her against succumbing to this, taking an odd amount of pleasure in chastising her fellow woman.

After some time, Eve once again went to God and said "I... I'm not really getting on with Lilith. I don't think I can stand to be around her any longer."

God is taken aback by this and, her powers still somewhat depleted, she says "Then I Shall Cast Lilith Out Of Eden, As You Were The First." With a twist of her withered hand, Lilith is shot out of Eden and is left to wander through the wilderness.

"I don't know what I'm going to do now, Lord, with no-one to keep me company whilst you recuperate," Eve says.

"Well, I Have Been Working On A Thing Called A Man. He's Larger, Stronger And More Spatially Aware. I Call Him Adam."

Eve's interest is piqued. "But wouldn't that make Man much greater than I?"

"Oh No, You're Still More Intelligent."

"It still seems a little unbalanced."

"You're Probably Right," God says and sighs. "How About I Make Him Willing To Do Your Bidding?"

Eve smiles, liking the idea of this. "That sounds good."

"But He'd Need Automation So He Would Be Able To Have A Soul..." God said, mostly to herself. "I Know, I'll Introduce Sex To You Humans!"

"Sex?"

"You'll Love It, And You'll Control When It Happens. Adam Will Be Driven To Have More And You Will Be Able To Say When You Both Have Sex."

Eve's smile couldn't really have gotten any bigger at this point. "Perfect. Thank you, God."

And so God created Adam, and then retired from Eden for some time in order to finish her Sunday Epoch alone. In this time, Adam and Eve explored the joys of sex and the wonders of Eden together, living a happy life for centuries.

Until the snake started to tempt Eve once more.

"Eve, my lovely, you should partake of the forbidden fruit. God is recovering and won't know that it's gone... so take a bite," the vile creature hissed to her every day.

Eventually, Eve's resolve wore down. Adam did his best to convince his love that she need not steal the fruit; "God has given us so much, can we not just be happy with what we have?"

"No! I don't accept that God would deny me, his chief creation, anything. And anyway, the snake is right; God will never know."

"But... but..."

"But nothing. Now, get me that fruit, that delicious, wonderful apple, or else you will be walking Eden alone from now on."

Adam, in his weakness, could not resist Eve's command and so he climbed up the tree and stole an apple for Eve. He handed it to her morosely, knowing he was doing wrong.

Eve ate the apple and it was wonderful, the best thing that she had ever experienced. She ate and ate until she was fit to vomit, but it was the greatest thing she had ever eaten.

At that moment, though, God's Sunday Epoch ended and she returned to her omniscience and omnipresence. In her fury, she screamed across creation and came to Eden.

"Eve! You Have Partaken Of The Forbidden Fruit, The One Thing You Were Not Allowed To Do. Why? Why Have You Ignored Me So?"

Eve realized how much she had betrayed God and threw herself onto her feet. "I could not resist what you denied me! You should have known that I would not have been able to do so, as I thought myself your favourite creation. I... I just couldn't."

"And Adam? Why Did You Not Stop Her?"

"I was weak, my Lord. She threatened to leave me alone, to deny me sex, and I could not go against her."

"Well Then, I Think I Have The Perfect Punishment For You Both. Adam, For Your Weakness, I Curse You To Always Hunger For Sex; To Think Of It Constantly.

"Eve, For Your Punishment, I Shall Make Adam, And All Men, Much Stronger Than You And You Will Live In A World Of Barbarism. You Shall Forever Need Man's Protection, To Save You From Other Men.

"Now, Get You Both Out Of Eden And Into The Wastelands, Forever."

Adam and Eve left Eden forever, and God's words came true; Man came to rule the world and Woman was constantly battered and treated as second class citizens.

Now, you may think this unfair, but God was forgiving and knew that the seeds of the apple which Eve had consumed would eventually free her; the world which she went into, and sired, would one day bloom into a world where women would be able to be in charge once more. We're currently in the middle of this blossoming; women are slowly getting equal rights and man's position as the leader, the provider, is slowly being degraded.

One day soon, the difference will be skewed towards women once more and we will live as God designed us; with women as the chief creation and man as the secondary creature.

Think about it, we see it everywhere in nature; in bees, in spiders, in most mammals, the females are the more important of the two genders.

Either that, or social evolution is going towards equality due to a natural progression of civilization as we approach a higher level of understanding of ourselves and the Universe around us and God has played no role in any of this, which would make the above all just rubbish.

Meh, whatever.