How do you eat yours?

I think I've worked out the mystery of Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

They don't sell them year round, do they? Despite the fact that almost everyone loves them, they only go on sale a month or so before Easter and then linger until the last has found a loving tum... You'd think that they would sell them year round, with their popularity, right?

Well, I've puzzled over it and discovered their secret; they have harnessed the power of Ostara, the original Pagan goddess who begat Easter, and transformed her into a giant chicken; all day she lays Cadbury's Creme Eggs, and Cadbury's keep her fed and wrap her ovulations for our delectation. It explains why the eggs have been getting smaller every year as well; they have been forcing poor Ostara's hen to lay more and more eggs, so their size is reducing.

It also explains why they don't cave in to demand to make larger, proper Easter egg-sized, Creme eggs, because it'd kill the old bird.

This theory was briefly threatened by the existence of the Creme Eggs Twisted that they've just started to produce, but only briefly: these are her long, curled turds; her fecal delights; straight from her arse to your mouth.

Mmmmm.

And if you think that's disgusting, why didn't you balk when I told you that we were eating her unborn children?