The Great Transfer - Shockingly Frank

Sometimes, I think I'm partially insane.

I know how that sounds; over-dramatic, attention-demanding and all very emo, with a smattering attempted grandeur. However, I'd like to qualify this statement.

For years and years now, ever since I started to become interested in Physics and the Universe, I've found that, on occasion, my mind will try to expand outwards and attempt the comprehend the scale of the Universe; both the microcosm and the macrocosm. Of course, I do not think myself even vaguely intelligent enough to understand either in their complete, pure beauty, but I do comprehend it vaguely, in the same way that I comprehend the programming of a computer or the thought processes of a woman.

During these periods though, I consider our, as in Humanity's, place within the Universe and I find that none of it really matters; in an infinite Universe older than we can get our heads around, our existence will be nothing more than a drop of ink in the oceans. Life, death, love, war, peace et all don't matter because of our lack of importance in a large and uncaring reality.

This applies to all parts of my life; friends, family, relationships and everything. I can't see any point, any relevance, and I'm entirely disconnected.

Isn't that insanity? To find no relevance in the world around you and not care about what every person should care about, surely that's madness? If I felt it permanently, then I would definitely be deemed as mad as I'd probably leave my body and have my mind permanently dwell on the magnificence of everything.

All very Lovecraftian, no? Or it would be, if I were doing the same in my dreams...

It's only a temporary thing, at any rate; my heart, philosophically, as biologically it would be some concern if it had stopped, kicks in after a few minutes and I'm back to normal (ha!) with only the ghost of my previous disconnection to haunt me. If anything, I make more of an effort to connect with the people in my life and the world which surrounds me after such an episode and I feel the importance of everything again.

I apologize that candour has replaced cackles in this post. I'll try to remedy this and will attempt to produce more bile for next time, though that does bring forth a bizarre image of me sitting down and attempting to do so. I might as well try to force-grow hair.